Monday, May 24, 2010


Hi! I'm at Aviva's house in west hollywood right now LIVE BLOGGING my trip to LA.

I got here on Thursday afternoon, and Nikki immediately took me to get vietnamese food at Golden Deli in Alahambra. We had these awesome vietnamese coffees slow brewed in their own glasses.

By the way, I am now an avid user of foursquare. so you can stalk me by clicking here.

Then we walked around and looked at some of the natural vegetation.

Then she ran some errands with me in the car. Then she took me to her place and Paul and Daniel picked me up to run some errands before we headed to UC Irvine to see Alison's screening of her thesis (that yours truly wrote a little bit for). UC Irvine is hilarious. Their mascot is an anteater named Peter.

On the way back to civilization, we stopped at IN N OUT! i ate a cheeseburger and passed out for the rest of the ride. i hope i didn't snore.

Friday, Nikki had to go to San Diego so I had some time to do some alone time worky work before meeting my ex-stepcousins for lunch. long story short, my mother was briefly married to this man from the middle of nowhere texas who had three nieces who were roughly my age at the time. I met them two or three times when i was like 14 or 15. I'm now ahem cough cough thirty cough hack and a member of this website called Facebook and one of them found me a few months ago. so, you know, reunited. We had tacos together and talked about how weird it is that we're actually very similar now. We had gelato. Then, I went back over to Nikki's and we met Stacy at my new fave bar Good Luck and Stacy told us this hilarious story:

Saturday, i went to the silver lake jubilee and ate an awesome sweet potato masala dosa from a truck and a crazy delicious ding dong from mrs. beasly's truck and i bought this clever shirt.

after I had a horchata espresso from cafe de leche (the only way you should drink either horchata or espresso, b.t.dubs) and bought some cute dresses from this new vintage shop urchin on york. later that night we went to a party at iko iko and one at human resources and then we tried to watch wild at heart but fell asleep in the middle for like the nth time in my life.

Yesterday was Tragic Dinner Theatre with a thousand loaves of bread and a cute dude with a crazy name and LOST obviously. Oh, there was a 28" pizza at the viewing party I went to. Today, I workedied until meeting Alison for lunch at a burger place where i had a burger with kimchi on top and sweet potato fries on the side across the street from barbarella bar where we had $6 martinis. I love anything with cucumber in case you ever want to take me out. Tomorrow is the thing that I came here for, and I am just about out of money. I already got a parking ticket. It's like I live here for real.

xoxox next stop: Dallas

Sunday, May 23, 2010

what WHAT

okay i have lots to say about LA (which is where i am at the moment) when i get a second but i just needed to come here real fast to share with this you via nikki via via this is why you're fat.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

fattractive got her grewv back

so it would seem that i have not actually gotten closer to my goal of redirecting the new tumblr blog to this url. well whatever haven't i wasted enough time talking about that already?

okay where were we? i was in miami contemplating room service. i got breakfast in room the next day instead, i think, eggs and sausage with cuban toast if i remember correctly. then i caught a cab and told the driver to take me to the funkiest neighborhood in the city. i really did. then i blew 6 hours doing nothing much but walking around looking for a place to sell me cigarettes. i yelped a cafe on my iphone and started walking in that direction, and wouldn't you know it if right next to a super gentrified district of strip malls and starbucks i found myself smack dab in the middle of murdertown rapesville crackland park, FL. sometimes i really have to ask myself who the heck i think i am, wandering around like that in a dress like that looking all gorgeous like i do.

speaking of my incredible beauty, fast forward to this past saturday night when i got kind of an awesome pick up line. i'm standing outside this bar waiting for the people i came with to work their way out of the shitshow inside and this dude walks by with his eyes locked on me. i can't help but return the gaze...i think i've kind of been in a phase over the last few months where i must not think people can see me. and, anyway, he says "don't be looking at me like you're not cute." and i'm like, "what?" and he explains, "don't be looking at me like you're not cute and i'm not going to stop to talk to you." i mean, it was kind of a perfect pick up line because it hooked me into a conversation. of course, i had to be in the right mood. if it were another night i might have just ignored him.

but i digress. in my last hour in miami, i ate this deepfried cheesecake burrito on top of a mound of vanilla ice cream and covered in whip cream and caramel. if we were facebook friends, you would have seen a picture at about the same time i was eating it. then, last week when i was leaving chicago, i had 3 enormous slices of deep dish pizza at gino's east on superior (recommended to me by the incomparable alex preston who still owes me a shirt with a shark wearing brass knuckles on it) before i got to the airport and sucked down a 4 scoop mint cookies n' cream ben and jerry's milkshake. i didn't eat much else of note in chicago besides a stupid gross salad at corner bakery while i waited for a metra train to evanston. but when i got back, i had a pretty rad weekend...

i feel like this post is jumping all around a bit. that's where my mind is right now...i should be packing for the next week i'll be in l.a. i leave at 7 a.m. tomorrow and i haven't even pulled my suitcase out of the closet. again, who do i think i am for drinking that beer and catching up on a week's worth of television on hulu tonight instead of focusing on looking cute for the next 7 days whilst stuffing my face with potato tacos.

ugh i had the grossest lunch today at gee whiz, but at least anna is finally back. she's got suck timing, though, swinging into ny the day before i leave. i had kind of a not-amazing dinner last night too at agozar! with danica (although it was lovely spending time with her). come to think of it, i did not love what i had for dinner at sushi d with kristy on monday night, either. it's no wonder i have like $5.93 in my checking account right now. i took heather to the palm with a $150 gift certificate on sunday night and still ended up paying thirty bones in tip. not too bad i suppose for surf and turf. i didn't pay for dinner or addams family the musical on friday night, thanks to a gracious tarde family. i'm trying to rationalize my way out of feeling guilty for the excessive spending, but really just because someone else takes me to dinner doesn't mean it's okay for me to match that spending.

obviously i'm blathering on about all of this mundane who cares because i have something else on my mind. you know who you are. i am not writing this to you. i am done writing to you. not you. just you. no, i didn't mean you.

oh wait, i got a bike! she's a beaut. i plan to burn sooooo many calories lifting her up and down the stairs to my apt. plus, all those calories i'll be burning looking for accessories like this cheeseburger bike bell:

Thursday, May 6, 2010

let's get down tonight

dear fattractiverse

i am sad right now. i mean, you probably couldn't tell because i've been quiet here at double you double you double you dot fattractive dot com. i have actually been posting all along at shhhhhh tumblr (remember how i got an iphone?) but now i did something behind the curtain that broke everything. i can't even log into my tumblr at all because i was trying to IMPROVE it. the thing is, fattractiverse, everything was just fine the way it was before. this is what i do, i take a perfectly good thing that is not perfect because nothing is perfect and i try to fix it but instead i break it forever. this is not a metaphor. i bet you think this song is about you, etc. etc.

this post comes to you live from miami where i thought i would find a wealthy venture capitalist husband at this private equity conference. turns out, all these dudes are married and boring and i don't even really understand what they do or how you get into that line of work in the first place. never mind the fact that i feel like i will go to my grave with the same broken heart and can hardly fathom starting new romanticals. the night i got here, wednesday, last night, i waited in line for some seafood paella and this old guy tried to network with me. but his eyes glazed over the second he realized i had nothing to offer him. everyone here is trying to network, but as another guy at lunch (cuban tofu instead of chicken over rice and beans with sweet plantains) said to me: these private equity conferences are like frat parties with only one or two chicks. i don't think that was a metaphor either.

i could probably talk about conference food in this post which is it's own strange beast or i could talk about how i'm trying to decide whether to order an inroom aloha burger (with pineapple and terryaki sauce) or just go to sleep. instead, i'm going to boogie at this pity party i'm throwing for myself and completely ignore the fact that my life is pretty awesome for the most part (for the love of christ i spent 2 hours in a hot tub today with corona after laying on the beach for the second day in a row and had tuna tartar for dinner last night on an all expense paid "work" trip). next week, i'm in chicago for a couple of days burying my sorrows in the deepest dish pizza i can find. maybe i will even actually fix the redirect of my fancy custom domain and you will see said pizza pizzazz in the prettier tumblr layout.

until then: adios tacos muchachos.

p.s. i'm ordering the aloha.