Tuesday, December 7, 2010


So where were we? Oh yes we took a nap after we got back to our guesthouse and blogged about it that first day. We as in me. We me was very tired. We me is also losing the ability to speak proper english after so much cave talk with Thai cab drivers, waiters, and new friends.

Right now, I am in Chiang Mai with Vivan whom I met in New York back in 2005ish through my oldest bestie JenBaca, my newest bestie Veev, and this funny dude we know. She is currently lamenting the death of Max Fish on the L.E.S. while we are eating breakfast in this breathtakingly charming garden inside old city. She arrived by plane last night from Bangkok at 8pm which only took an hour, where as I arrived via overnight train with those two dudes I told you about in my last post which took 12 hours. Six of those were spent in deep convo so went by pretty quickly, but the other six were something close to overly airconditioned and cramped agony.

But I'm working backwards. Let's go back to where I left off in my last post because I totally haven't told you about what happened that night. I had set my alarm for 8:30 p.m. because I was supposed to call Po (pronounced 'pooh' not joking), a friend Kristy made in BP (an island in South Thailand), to figure out where we were meeting for drinks that night. Instead, I was awoken by what sounded like CANONS firing. It was probably practice fireworks for the insane celebrations happening all day the next day for the King's birthday. I got cleaned up and made a payphone call (which by the way when was the last time you used a payphone?) and learned I was to meet Po and Ryan on khao san road at Swasadee, I think, right before my 5 baht coin ran out. I made my way over to the bridge through a street fair that I thought at the time was pretty bustling. Little did I know that this was only an inkling of the madness to come.

I walked over the bridge through a crowd of Thais hanging out and waiting waiting waiting for what I only assumed would be that night's fireworks show. I thought it was crowded. Boy gee golly was I wrong about how crowded it could get! Anyway, somewhere along khao san I stopped for a banana chocolate crepe thing that you can watch being made on my YouTube channel.

Then, I had some beers, Thai whiskey, and family style pow with Po et al. One of his friends was this really pretty chic in super high heeled red pumps. She could not speak English so I tried to do some charades with her about how much I liked her outfit. The girls in Bangkok in general are stylish and devastatingly gorgeous. They all wear heels which blows my mind and also puts the western tourists to shame. Then again, my feet were swollen beyond recognition after just one day of pounding the pavement there and I was wearing flat sandals.

You can't see the sign above her head in this picture but it says "special favourous Pasta" which is a nice little snapshot of how much I love english transliterations in foreign countries. We had some trouble communicating as I was doing my whole charades things, but the charades is remarkably rewarding when everyone finally understands what you're trying to say. I had a huge endorphin rush (I might be exaggerating a bit) at the 7/11 earlier that day when I got the clerk to understand that I was looking for mosquito repellant lotion. Then, I had another spot of fun trying to describe charades with charades to Po. I dare you to describe charades the next time you play charades.

So, after drinks and dinner, Po took us to a RAVE.

There was a 3rd anniversary party for a club called CULTURE where the door check girls were wearing those little hats with fishnets and everyone was punk or emo or goth or a combination. I mean, it seemed to me like all the young people in Thailand are hipsters but maybe that's what people think if they just happen to visit New York and end up in Williamsburg for the night or something. Did you know that Bangkok is famous for its tattoo artists? This one guy I met who looks a lot like Aaron Lammer has the best tats I've seen so far. One leg is a fishnet stocking. One arm from wrist to elbow is a "gentleman" and the other arm from wrist to elbow is a florescent light tube that he colors in with marker so it glows under a blacklight. Long story short: I did not take ecstasy although everything about that party demanded it.

Okay so after the party we had some more beers somewhere else and some shitty ice cream (in case you are looking for the best ice cream in the world, do not go to Bangkok. Go to Argentina!). Although I did not do X, I did drink a bottle of this energy stuff called M150 (shout outs to Nikki Darling who loves Red Bull) which is like 4 loco but non-killy and kept us up far longer than I wanted to be. I'm functioning on 4 hours of sleep a night here, by the way.

On Day 3, I started my day on the boat down one stop down the chao phraya river so I could try to go to that siriraj museum. After disembarking, I discovered that I was sorely out of place as every single person was dressed in pink for the King's bday. He's been in power for 50 years and everyone loves him. Like, he's basically elvis. So I ventured down a side street where all these people were squatting on the sides of the road and a military dude stopped me and started yelling at me and gesturing for me to sit down. Everyone was watching me look all confused like guns were about to go off. Turns out I was just in time for the first procession which was the king in a gold luxury sedan followed and preceded by a bunch of other red luxury sedans and police cars. Everyone got very quiet while the cars drove past. No applause. No whispering. Total eery revered silence. It was over in minutes and everyone stood up and started eating again (because, as I mentioned in my last post, everyone in Thailand is eating constantly). I completed my short walk to the museum to discover it was closed which sucked but I did see this awesome Ronald McDonald doing the wai greeting.

Okay, there's more about the king's birthday I want to tell you about but I'm running low on battery and am getting pressure to go get massages now. Kop Kuhn Kow.

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