Sunday, December 28, 2008

so then

in my yelp essay, i mentioned that anna and i went to the ballet trock and then had tea at a shitty thai place before heading to harlem for an awesome episcopal church service (complete with choir, amazing violin solo, song duet that rocked my world, kewt little kiddies, and a french family sitting in front of us who were even more out of place than we were). afterward, anna was feeling barbeque so i suggested we go to dinosaur which ryan had told me a long long time ago was the best bbq in ny. unfortunately, we walked all the way over there in the rain only to discover that it was closed. we met a friendly homeless man who gave us some other recommendations for dinner nearby and sang carols poorly (bad pun) with us under the freeway. we decided to head back to williamsburg and see what was up on bedford because a phone call revealed that fette sau was also closed. we ended up at mugs, which is always a lovely option. i'm never disappointed there. danica texted while we were there that she'd had quite the nightmare at the airport all day and so we coordinated a meet up at pete's candy store which was also closed and then union pool which never seems to be closed. when we all got there with drink in hand having a pleasant enough convo, this twerp approached our table and started chatting us up, with a keen eye on anna (i can't take that girl ANYWHERE. he was a 23 year old jew who lives in murray hill and makes probably three times as much as me "consulting." he was just trying to be nice, of course, but i'm too old to have patience for lame attempts at being the next master pick up artist shit. he told us he and his roommate have a bad idea box and the last one he drew out of the box was smashing his neighbors pumpkin. he also said that he really wanted to bunk in the same room as his roommate and leave the other room to be a Party Room whatever that means. i finally broke up the politeness and asked danica if i could bum a cig and anna said she'd better go so we went outside to smoke together which is when this guy dave whom anna went on one crazy bizarre date with a couple of years ago showed up and called us both vanessa. he was with this guy i met at that catered party i told you about in a previous post and this one about
a friend who called to "invite me to this big catered party he plans to throw on friday. he was like, there will be lobster and steak and a cheese platter. i was like, what's the occasion? and he said, oh no reason. just for the hell of it. well, a friend of mine just got out of the state pen, so it's kind of a welcome back party, too."


so anna told danica the hilarious story of the bizarre date which i cannot divulge here because it is her sordid story and not mine (but you can contact me directly for the deets--no just kidding don't ask) and then we all laughed and laughed at the memory and then we parted ways. when i got home i had an empty voicemail from a strange number so i called it back and it was dave. he apologized for calling me vanessa and said he was kidding and we discussed his "sense of humor" and how we know all of these people in common while i attempted many times to end the call politely by saying things like "welp, have a happy christmas" and "okay, it was nice talking to you." but then, like the kid at union pool, he kept finding new topics to address. this, friends, is why i don't answer the phone after midnight most of the time. they're usually time gremlins.

but the point of me excerpting my previous post was for the big finale here. turns out the guy he was with at union pool that i had met at the catered party wad the guy who had gotten out of state pen. hahha classy.

so then on christmas day anna and i went to spa castle from 3:00 to about 10:00 p.m. woah. seven hours! i didn't realize until i just wrote it down. anyway, it's heaven, and you should go with me next time. it's 4 floors of saunas, pools, and resting stations. plus an enormous food court with mostly korean treats that were really really hard to resist. in fact, i broke down and bought a red bean bun at one point but only because those little boogers are like my kryptonite. friday, i did some work at the office that needed to be done (that my boss called "very good") and then picked up a couple tacos at yola's (which is about the only thing i miss about williamsburg) before heading over to danica's to hang out with her most friendliest cat in the universe. me and pinky watched i am legend, a ricky gervais stand up show, mall rats, and several episodes of sex and the city season 3, my favorite, the one where carrie cheats on aiden with big. that's a lot of tv folks. i think maybe i'm just catching up on all those years of not watching tv at all. maybe? it's gotta stop circa 2009, though. i'm starting to grow an ass where i used to have miles of flatland.

yesterday, i beebopped around until anna came over and we checked out this bar in bed stuy called sweet revenge (not to be confused with sweet paradise, home sweet home, or sweet ups) where we also tried my new signature drink that danica turned me onto the tequila gimlet. they weren't very good but they were $5 and the bartender was super cute and nice and the dj lorenzo was playing just about the best party mix your feeble mind could dream up. we befriended him and he invited us to madame x where "all of his friends drink for free" and we said maybe we'd come back at 2 a.m. when he was heading there (read: no) but we would definitely be back two saturdays from now when he was spinning again. we also declined noam's invitation to go to some place called scratcher in the east village and instead walked over to rope where we enjoyed a much better tequila gimlet, this time up instead of on the rocks and proceeded to get so drunk that we got into some stupid chatter with an ex stripper who said that she was from new york, that she danced for ten years, that she was from texas, that she danced from 1995 to 2002, that she was from rhode island, and that she danced for 12 years. it was pretty hilarious until she tried to molest me.



then we danced to some bruce springsteen and then hightailed it out of there. oh but i didn't have a chance to mention that we stopped at a white castle between sweet revenge and rope where anna ordered fries because i told her that at white castle the fries only come in one size and i had the clam strips which were mind blowing.

today i sort of cleaned if that's what you call taking things that are all bunched up in one place and distributing them throughout your house and then i went to the trader joes on atlantic and court which was heaven. i had a lot of trouble not buying more than i could carry home. it's probably best for my wallet that i don't have a better means of transport than the bus.

signing off,
omf fattractive

2 comments:

My Name said...

ha ha we used to hang out at scratcher all the time in like, high school, or college, or something, i dont remember.

My Name said...

ha ha we used to hang out at scratcher all the time in like, high school, or college, or something, i dont remember.