Saturday, December 20, 2008

K Dead-erline

I've got Britney Spears on the brain. You've probably watched her "For the Record" popumentary on MTV by now.

Or maybe you don't watch as much television as I have for the past three months that I've lived in this new apartment with Jessica and the DVR that has almost completely annihilated the intense social life I had painstakingly constructed in New York over the past four point five years I've lived here. Seriously, take the remote control away from me. I'll keep my fat pants, though, thank you. Anyway, Alison and I explained to Michael how Britney's tell-all was a brilliant marketing move for her brand while we were having beers at Union Pool (which doesn't suck at all on Thursday nights especially when you're catching up with your fave high school homies you haven't seen since 1998). Suddenly I understand that she's not drunk and invincible from fame but actually an emotionally stunted woman-child whose life has been built around her like a cage. or an aquarium. or an elaborate stage set for a music video. I, on the other hand, have had ample opportunity to make many many many mistakes of my own design and am the opposite of emotionally-stunted. i am emotionally overgrown. i'm an emotional weed garden. and i don't even smoke pot!

what this has to do with food, i don't know. other than how her father feeds her bowls of grits with Kraft singles for cheese or how a rock journalist once told me she eats mashed potatoes with her bare hands. after alison, michael, and I finished our beers, we bounced over to dumont because alison had a craving for a burger and neither of them had been to dumont. michael hadn't even been to williamsburg before, and if you follow my twitter stream you will see that i thought his impression of the neighborhood ("there are a lot of young people here") was remarkable. when we walked in, i said to the hostess "three for dinner" after she said that she could just stare at my earrings forever in a very admiring tone. she then gestured to this booth that's closest to the door when alison piped up and said, "four." because her friend lisa (who contributes to this other blog that i'm always peanut butter and jealous of) was going to meet us for dinner. so then the hostess hydra (there were two of them, which really baffled michael as to why more than one would be necessary for the size of the room) said that we couldn't be seated until our party was complete. i am at this point totally used to this new york restaurant lexicon, but alison was visiting from l.a. and michael has just moved to the city from like albany or something a few months ago so they both kind of started arguing with the dual-headed beast. like, basically, alison didn't want to wait for lisa to start eating because she didn't know how long it would take lisa to get there and whether she was even going to be eating or whatever. anyway, they lost the battle and we showed ourselves out the door to the backyard garden (which one of the heads said was "awesome") but i made a pitstop at the w.c. and when i exited and walked out into the garden, michael and alison were being scolded and escorted away from a table that they had taken the liberty of seating themselves at. classic tourist fail. so we then claimed some stools at the bar and ordered some beers and decided what we were going to eat and that we'd just go ahead and order at the bar. but then all of a sudden lisa showed up and i told the bartender never mind and got up to tell one of the outdoor waitresses that we were all ready to sit. the woman said that she couldn't help me and that i had to go back into the indoor part of the restaurant to get seated. so i went in there and told the hydra that we were now complete (like tom c and rene z 4ev) and GET THIS. the hostess indicated that we could now sit at the VERY SAME BOOTH that she was about to seat us at when there were only three of us.

now all of this riggamarole was somewhat irritating for me, it seemed to smack ridiculous for alison and michael who after we finished enjoying a big boat of dumac and cheese (with BACON the way it's meant to be enjoyed),

a burger split two ways, and the beets with goat cheese (which i should learn how to make) wrote a novel on the comment card that i don't think i ever noticed that they give you at dumont. i feel like if i worked there i would probably just take a dissatisfaction card and say "ho hum sux for them" and then continue about my day at a popular restaurant in a gentri-saturated hood.

okay the end of that story.

the title of this post refers to the fact that today was ramona's deadline to return my security deposit to me within the 30 days from our court date. i have not received it so now i must alert the city officials. to be continued...

1 comment:

siouxsiebee said...

First off I'm very glad that you agree with me on the state of our poor Britney. She doesn't know any better. You can squeeze her into a Chanel suit but homegirl will always be a country bumpkin.
Second, I always thought i hated beets but recently realized they are fantastic!!!
Third, have you been watching No Reservations? I just watched the episode on Spain and I really think we need to eat our way through that country. xo