Tuesday, June 10, 2008

in which we despise ourselves

i feel udderly disgusting lately. moooooooooooooooooove over, weight watcher club at work. there's a new girl with body issues in town.

okay. maybe that wasn't nice. i've been called insensitive in the past for not understanding or accepting or respecting the point system. i've explained that evaluating each object i drop down my gullet takes all pleasure out of consumption. inevitably the woman i've said this to, it's always a woman that brings up points although there are plenty of men who have joined the weight watching club (one of whom i have noticed around the office lately looking extremely trim), inevitably she tells me i've never had to worry about it because i have a naturally high metabolism. um, hello? have we met? have you seen my felbows?



clearly i am not a skinny bitch on a high horse. what is it with all the farm references in this post? at least i haven't said 'pig out,' yet. oops.

so yeah i keep thinking that now that i live this much closer to the office i am totally going to hit the gym like waaaaay more often (than never which is how frequently i'm going now). also, i'm trying not to eat out as much--because we all know that restaurants are fattening--but that's practically impossible in new york. i went to trader joe's on sunday and bought at least a week's worth of food (breakfast, lunch, dinner and even snacks) but it's already tuesday and already i've had a shrimp salad salad at some gross deli in times square tonight (i had twenty minutes before i was supposed to meet the ladies rent the musical--free tickets, natch), a big piece of nan from aviva after lunch because the frozen microwavable vegan pad thai just did not hit the spot, a kiwi bubble tea after work yesterday and a red bean cake biscuit thing from chinatown because i was absolutely starving and couldn't go home before aviva's book party at lit after getting my hair did (you can do it at this place called A something in chinese on E. bway @allen for $15 which i would never normally spend money on but seeing as how my flat iron is buried somewhere and i've been feeling ugly lately--see beginning of this post--the price was worth it), a lemon sorbet scoop and a couple of beers for dinner sunday night because i had the night wrong for aviva's dinner party and showed up at lil frankie's on 1st & 1st 24 hours early (didn't have dinner even though aviva met me there anyway but will one day in the future. oddly enough, max went there for dinner last night before the book party without even knowing that that was where her dinner party was scheduled to be. it ended up not happening, btw, because she wanted to stay and rage at lit after signing books for two hours.), $10 potato pancakes for a second lunch at the astoria beer garden earlier on sunday where i had gone to watch the soccor game with anna, aaron, and some of their other friends because you just can't not order something to eat with your hoegarden when you're surrounded by tables covered in kielbasa and kraut. the bill at the beer garden said "pot pancakes" so i made aaron take a picture. maybe he will post it someday soon and you will giggle about it the way that i did.

my point is that i have spent tons of money on food that are not the groceries i bought and it's only fucking tuesday. i'm a failure. i'm a fat mess. i would pledge to go to the gym tomorrow if i hadn't already promised liz i'd go to happy ending with her tomorrow night for a reading and adam is going to be there, too. i'd go on thursday if i didn't already have lunch plans with aaron to talk about the book and thursday night plans with melinda to go to the dwr soho studio opening and then dinner at allen and delancey. i'd go on friday if i didn't have lunch plans with tiffany and then dinner plans with laura and sex and the city plans with the other three girls that were causing me stress attacks for never having simultaneous openings in their schedules. so, you are thinking, go in the morning, right? yes. i know. it seems to be the only answer. but you just don't understand. no one understands how little sleep i already get and why i have enough trouble waking up at 8 in the morning. if i had to get up at 6? bitch, please.

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1 comment:

keaton said...

jesus christ your schedule sounds exciting! on the subject of fast metabolisms while they don't make us super skinny, they still allow us to eat pretty much what we want. i go to the gym twice a week now - see a trainer one day and take a class another day. i really need to incorporate that third day per week, but i know it requires an early morning session. going to try it this coming week.