Tuesday, March 4, 2008

number one in muffiness

this is what david harper said someone (his mom? someone else's mom?) said to (him? his friend?) when (the unremembered person) accomplished some kind of marathon: You are number one in fitness!

the retelling of that story is less effective when you have a memory like an etch a sketch like me.

i do, however, remember what happened when i went to my equifit appointment tonight at my gym equinox. you get a session with a personal trainer to assess your fitness and then another session with the pt where they put together a routine for you (free with membership). i had one equifit way back last fall when i joined the gym (this was actually kind of funny because i let the sales guy show me all around the gym then i said that i needed to check out their main competitor new york sports club and he got really huffy and was like 'we're the best! why do you have to go there?!'). but then a bunch of misfortune befell me so i never had the follow up appointment with the personal trainer.

maybe i blogged about it back then. they basically use these pincers to see what percentage of you is doughnuts and what percentage is beer belly. then they put you on a treadmill to see how fast they can make your heart explode. and then they make you do pushups. i couldn't even do one.

but this time i did like 14. and, it took way longer before my heart almost exploded on the treadmill. i attribute these advances in my physical fitness to the fact that i haven't smoked for over two months now. other than those two cigs on saturday night at buddy/oren's birthday party.

the other part of the assessment is where you tell the pt what your goals are and i basically said that i don't want to alter my diet in any way. i love eating way too much. he asked me what i eat and i told him about the chili's chicken crispers from yesterday's post and then i listed what i ate today and it totally made me sound like some kind of eating disorder. granola, grapefruit, banana, trailmix, fig newtons, goldfish. that's it. the thing is that the only reason i was eating those last three things instead of a proper lunch is because we got new snacks today at work! for the last year, we've had free nature valley granola bars and pretzels which was totally awesome when we first moved in but after a few months of eating these two snack foods on a practically daily basis, you'd almost rather starve yourself. but now we have three new snacks!

how sad is it that this was like a hugely exciting thing at the office today. i had a pretty weird day all around. it was my first day in my new position so i was in this new desk in this new section of the floor surrounded by new people. people from the edit department kept parading over to my new desk to check out the digs and people i don't even talk to that often at the company came over to ask me if i was settling in all right. i felt like a sad version of the bride.

which brings us full circle. one of my goals is to not look like a sack of lard in all of keaton's wedding pictures. or, as she put it so eloquently and hilariously this weekend, a big muffin.

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